self absorbed

I am so guilty of this:  When asking a person a simple question and getting a long, drawn answer I think “f*ck, I just wanted a simple reply!” Is this wrong? Maybe. I asked a coworker if she had decided to stick with snowboarding. A simple answer of yes would have been fine. She went into specifics about technique, blah, blah, blah. I couldn’t tell you all she said because I blocked her out after “yes.” That’s so wrong. What can I say, I have a short attention span. :-/

at last

I was completely overwhelmed with joy before, during, and after watching the inauguration of our 44th president Barack Obama. I don’t suppose I can say anything that hasn’t been said by everyone else about this historic time. I was telling a colleague yesterday that I have never felt patriotic about America like I do now. Yes, I can recall cheering for America’s sports teams during the Olympics, but this is something different. I’ve always felt removed in some way. As a black person living in this country I’ve always felt separate in work and in school. Some of it was in my head but not all of it. Less than two years ago I was called a nigger by another driver at a traffic stop. It shook me to the core. Not because I thought that people no longer had such feelings, but because this man spewed that word with such hate openly…at me. Not in the south. Up north. There was no way I could reason away such a reaction. I have such hope for this country and its people because with the election of Barack Obama I feel that people can get past their biases and see the bigger picture. Fingers crossed.

Now to the title of this post. I fast fowarded much of the Neighborhood Ball last night, but I loved the first dance of Barack and Michelle Obama. The love that it shared between the two is so apparent. And I loved that they danced to one of my favorite songs – At Last. It was actually my wedding song.

something’s missing

I’m attempting to write this on my iPhone using the blog it interface. Not sure like it. I think an app like the one by wordpress would be a good look.

The title of this post is the John Mayer song I cannot stop listening to. I’ve had this song since Heavier Things was released but for some reason I don’t remember having listened to it. Now I just can’t stop. It’s just that good.

beautiful mess

I’m at work early today. Very few other people are in yet because of the snow (I love New England weather! *sarcasm*). I’m getting some work done in the quiet listening to Pandora. Right now Jason Mraz’s “Beautiful Mess” is playing. It’s such a pretty song.

back again

I’m going to try this vox thing again. I gave up the domain I was paying for and moved my blog to wordpress.com. For some reason I don’t feel like writing there anymore. Part of it has to do with not feeling like that person anymore. I’m not sure that makes sense. But most of those entries had to do with my life before marriage and baby. Don’t misunderstand. This space isn’t going to be all about being a wife and mother. I really want to focus on getting back to me. I’ve been sacrificing myself, my want and needs. It happens to the best of us, but it’s time to make a change.

Anyway…looking forward to The L Word on Sunday. I’m not upset that it’s the last season. And I was even happy to learn that Jenny dies. She is the character I think everyone who watches loves to hate.

The Bachelor again

I need a friend to start watching The Bachelor. I don’t know why I’m still holding on to this show, but I am. I can’t turn away. This bachelor might be one of the corniest ever, but that just might make it that much more enjoyable to watch.  He just said he could see himself married to several of these women. I’m thinking that’s probably not a good thing, right? There’s one woman who is a widow. It’s clear she’s had some plastic surgeries…and not in a good way. I can’t believe he kept her last week. I’m doubting she’ll make it through the evening. I guess I’ll be left to blog about this show since no one I know is watching.  :-/

Ok, Robin Thicke’s performing on one of the dates. Is he even awake? Looking like he just rolled out of bed. I might have to stop watching this season. I’m completely bored by it.

resolutions

I don’t know if I’m a big fan of resolutions, but I made a few this year anyway. I know I need to take better care of myself. The past few years I’ve catered to everyone else in my life…at home and at work.  Those things are still important to me, but I need to be important to myself. I bought the cutest little dress that I’d like to wear for my birthday (in April). It’s a size 6.  That was my size before the baby. I’m working on it. It’s a reasonable goal. And the thought of wearing that dress on my birthday makes me even more focused.

My sarcasm’s been out of control lately. It’s not cute at all. I’m gonna work on that. Don’t know if I’ll succed though. Wish me luck!

what happened?

Lately I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t been writing here as much as I have in the past. I’ve been writing this blog for a while now…under more than a few domains. Looking back over my older posts (you should check out the archives, I was pretty funny!) and comments I realize that it had a lot to do with the other blogs I was reading. There seemed to have been more of a community in the earlier days. I don’t feel that now. I read other blogs, but there’s not the connectedness I once felt with other bloggers. I know a lot of  it also has to do with the changes in my life. I’m no longer single with time to spare. I’m married with a 16 month old boy. I’m not really interested in writing about my son’s milestones here. I still want this to be my space. Especially since I feel like much of my life right now have very little to do with me; it’s more about caring for my family. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m struggling to keep my own space. I want to say that I’ll be better about writing here for me, but I don’t know if I can make that happen. One of the reasons I’m even able to think about and write this post is because I’m on holiday break and don’t have to get up at an ungodly hour tomorrow. I have the time now, after the son’s to bed, to just think. I try not to get all crazy with the resolutions. I am hoping 2009 is more about getting back to who I am separate from my family and my career, being able to balance it all. Wish me luck!

Loves of Seasons Past

I don’t know what’s going on with me, but the past two nights brought former flames to my dreams. It could be because I’ve been thinking of them lately. I don’t know why they’re invading my dreams. If I wanted them in my dreams I couldn’t make it happen. So Friday night’s dream was about the guy I dated just before settling down with the husband. There’s no bad ending here. We care(d) about each other a lot. Maybe it didn’t work because he lives in another state or maybe it’s because we married the people we were seeing when we weren’t seeing each other. We actually got married the same week. Anyway…in my dream we’re in the same place. I’m not sure where we were. All I remember is at some point we were alone and things happened. I knew his wife was around somewhere and I didn’t care. Afterward, I was crying asking why he didn’t choose me. WTH?! That is not me. I’m not that woman who could see a married man and I surely wouldn’t beg a man to be with me. What does it mean?!?!

Last night’s dream was with a guy I really liked but the distance was too great to even think of being serious. I was at his house. I spent the night there. We even slept in the same bed (platonic). He told me all about how he was going to propose to his woman. I was thinking he wanted me to be jealous. No haps. Then she walks in. Come to find out she had been there all night and knew I was there! Crazy. All I kept thinking was how could she be cool with her man sleeping in the same bed with a woman he had feelings for. And was she sure she could be a life long partner of a man with a small penis. Random, I know. But that’s what I was thinking. My dreams are ridiculous.

Broken English

I’m watching Broken English. I’ve always liked Parker Posey, but I like her even more now.  I think it’s an accurate portrayal of a woman in her 30’s dating. I’m not familiar with the French actor, but I think he’s my new crush!