Modern Family

Very funny show. The end.

looming fear

There’s a dark cloud over my head lately. i have a confession. i don’t do monthly self-breast exams. i know i should, but i don’t. i should have a mammogram screening before the end of the year and haven’t scheduled that either.  There’s no indication that i have anything to worry about at this point. But there’s that little fact that my mom is a breast cancer survivor. i think it’s four years now. i just found out my cousin had a double-mastectomy two weeks ago. She’s 32. So yeah, there’s a looming fear. i know what i have to do.

battles

“Remind yourself to be kind toward yourself in all the choices you make about your daily life.” – Wayne Dyer

It might be hard for some to believe, but i have to remind myself to do this more often than i’d like to admit. i frequently feel like i’m not doing what i need to do. Since i got married and had my son, the house is never clean enough, there’s always some task that needs to be completed, papers to grade, etc. it never ends. My son’s preschool scheduled a trip to the local pumpkin patch so i took the day off to go. i was too excited. i could participate in some stay-at-home mommy activities. But the trip was rescheduled due to the rain. i had already taken the day off so i took him out of school and we went out to lunch and had a really nice day. So yesterday was the rescheduled trip day. While at work, all i kept doing was wishing i could be with him and hating my job because it gets in the way sometimes. But don’t misunderstand. i don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom…full-time. Just sometimes. i love my work…many days. i love my life outside of motherhood and marriage. it just…sometimes it’s a real tug of war. *sigh*

Trying

i’m trying to be a better me. i’ve not been the most positive person lately. Work is stressful, i feel like i’m always running…too bad i’m not running on the treadmill, which i need to do considering working out always makes me feel better. i’m working on changing all that…in small steps. Very small.

is this thing on?!

i’m a little scatter-brained when it comes to writing lately. Too many places to write. And i want to write at them all. We’ll see how it goes…

No Tooth

Recently I was thinking about a retail job I had while I was in college. I worked with a woman who was getting married soon. I believe this was her second marriage, or maybe not. She did have an older child outside of the current relationship. Anyway, when she would talk about her fiance I didn’t have a particular image in my mind but I had an idea about what I thought he’d be like going by her appearance and personality. When I finally met him, I couldn’t get past this one thing. He was nice enough, good sense of humor. But this one thing. I just couldn’t figure it out. Dude was missing a front tooth. All I kept saying to myself was “but he has a missing tooth.” Why would you not opt to get that thing repaired? A false tooth. Something. I can understand maybe a child not being in control of fixing a tooth because they don’t have the money…maybe. But an adult with health benefits? How do you take someone seriously. I’d always try to look away for fear I’d stare at that gaping whole in his mouth. Am I shallow? Probably. Could you date a person with a missing tooth who had no plans of having it repaired?

another unintentional hiatus

What is the deal with me not writing here. It’s not like I don’t want to. I don’t even use twitter as much as I once did. I read tweets, but I don’t write so much. Currently, I’m just surfing the net while my son watches Diego. I can’t help but smile when Diego sings “aaaaaaaa rescue pack…coming to the rescue!” My son sings it at the top of his lungs. Way too cute. So let’s see…what’s new? I’m on summer break, which is very nice but I’m working the month of July. It’s really not that bad, I might even like it! I ran the 5k race at the end of June. Like for real, I hate running. That ish is not the bomb.at.all. I try to use mind tricks on myself. It’s STILL not working. So after that race I took three weeks off. I switched up to walking. I’ve been walking two miles on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of every week. I know I need to run because I’m not even breaking a sweat. I do it more for my mom more than anything else; she’s on a quest for a healthier body so I agreed to walk with her. It rained on Friday so we hit the gym instead. I ran intervals and it wasn’t too bad actually, plus I worked up a good sweat. So back to running it is. UGH!

Intervals

This may be the longest I’ve gone without blogging…over two months! I registered to run another 5K in June so I’ve been running 3 times a week. I’ve also increased my cardio, so now  I run Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and the elliptcal and cross trainer on Tuesday and Thursday. It seems to be working pretty well. To make sure I get my workouts in, I’m in the gym by 5:30 am. It’s not as bad as it seems, although the first week was kind of tough. I’m still not loving running, but I no longer dislike it enough to stop. I’m now trying to increase my pace. Everything I’m reading says to do intervals.  I have the Nike+ podcast with Serena Williams. Maybe that’ll motivate me.

couch to 5K

I knew I hadn’t adequately trained because I’ve been sick for about two weeks now, but not running in my first 5K was not an option. I had registered in February and I thought three weeks was enough time to get me ready to at least run the whole thing, no matter how long it took. I did finish, but I had some trouble…breathing. I was still congested. I know running on a treadmill is much different than street running, but I wasn’t expecting as many hills as there were on this course. A friend of my brother’s who runs regularly said this course was the most difficult she’s run, so I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad. It was harder than I thought. I had assumed that the adrenaline mixed with the excitement of the runners was going to help push me. It did not. I struggled. I do know I will continue running. I’m already looking for the next 5k. I’m thinking I’ll be seriously ready by April.

the best bachelor finale EVER!

It takes the “Best Bachelor season finale ever” for me to write something here. What does that say about me and my life? Hmm…Anyway. Last night all I kept saying was “OHMIGOD” over and over and over again. That couldn’t have been written any better for a drama or reality series. It does seem a little suspect that Jason would wait until the “after the final rose” show to tell Melissa that he doesn’t want to be with her anymore and wants to be with Molly. That was so messed up. She clearly had no idea that he was gonna do it. If she did she’s a damn good actress because I’m thinking her “you bastard” response was truly authentic! She may not realize it now, but I think she’s dodging a bullet. She’s only 25. I’m of the thinking that most people shouldn’t get married before 30. Well, that may not be true for women but I damn sure don’t think men should marry before 30. She needs to live life. Being newly married is overwhelming. When you add instant family with 3 year old son…what’s more than overwhelming? Whatever it is that’s what’d be! All during the “after the rose” show I kept yelling down to my husband in the other room. He didn’t even try to humor me and act like he cared. I realize that a lot of people don’t understand how anyone could watch this  show, but there is something about it that pulls at that little piece of me that believes in love being found in the strangest of places and it being able to conquer all. See? I’m not always a cynic!